The Eye Blinding Tales Of U-J-Bender
By Rush
Scene: Cave. Men wearing furs and leather painted in blue woad sit around a fire eating legs of meat, some Stone Age cave paintings can be seen on the walls. There is a blinding flash of light, followed by the appearance of U-J-Bender. The Palaeolithic men pick up their spears threatening U-J-Bender shouting at him in some long forgotten language.
U-J-Bender: 'Sorry, I don't speak caveman. [He burps flame, the Palaeolithic men drop their spears cowering in fear before U-J-Bender.] (shouting) Yes fear my wrath, and worship me as a God!
[There is a blinding flash of light, followed by the disappearance of U-J-Bender.]
[Time Lapse: Thousands of years later.]
Scene: Cave. Archaeologists with flash lights walk down the dark cave.
Archaeologist: (Posh British accent ) 'My word, look at this! [The other Archaeologists gather around him to see what he's looking at to see, a grey cave painting of Bender.] It's Bender, from Futurama!
Scene: Nostradamus sits at his desk writing. There is a blinding flash of light followed by the appearance of U-J-Bender.
Nostradamus: 'A tin man?!
U-J-Bender: 'You there Nostradamus, write in your book about me Bender Bending Rodriguez and the place I came from Futurama, or I'll kill ya!
Nostradamus: 'OK!
[There is a blinding flash of light, followed by the disappearance of U-J-Bender.]
Scene: Planet Express: Leela's Cabin. Fry (only wearing his pants and socks) and Leela wears her white tank-top and black pants in her bare feet. Both wrestle rolling about on the bed, Fry miraculously wins pinning Leela down.
Fry: 'Ha, I'm stronger Leela!
[Leela laughs.]
Leela: 'Fry, I just let you win. Now let's see how strong you are now?! [Leela rolls over easily breaking free from Fry, within about a second it's the other way around Leela is now pinning Fry down.] See Fry?
Fry: (nervously) 'Please, be gentle Leela. [Leela softens her power over Fry, then kisses him briefly on the lips softly.]
Leela: 'Gentle enough? [Leela takes her pants off throwing them onto the floor.]
Fry: 'Yeah. And Leela-- [Leela takes her tank-top off throwing it on the floor.] …...........
Leela: 'He-he, are your eyes happy? [Leela is just in her pink underwear and bra.]
Fry: [looking back at Leela's face.] 'Sorry, what?
Leela: 'Never mind, baby. [Leela draws closer to his lips.] Love you.
Fry: 'Love you too, Leela. [Fry and Leela make-out passionately. There is a blinding flash of light followed by the appearance of U-J-Bender.]
U-J-Bender: 'Can I---
Leela: 'Don't even ask!
U-J-Bender: (sadly) 'Awwww! [There is a blinding flash of light, followed by the disappearance of U-J-Bender.]
Leela: (sexfully) 'Now, where were we. [Fry and Leela go back to making out.]
Scene: Planet Express: Outside Girls Bathroom. Leela walks into the Girls Bathroom. Within a few seconds Fry too walks into the Girls Bathroom.
Cut to: Girls Bathroom. Fry walks in to see Leela about to enter a cubicle.
Leela: 'Fry...
Fry: 'Uhhhh--
Leela: 'This is the Girls Bathroom Room, Fry.
Fry: 'Sorry.
Leela: 'It's OK. [Leela blows him a kiss, Fry smiles then walks back out. Leela closes the door of her cubicle. There is a blinding flash of light, Leela screams. Leela's cubicle door is swung open, then she kicks a Bending Unit who was in the cubicle with her, sending him flying across the room out through the exit of the Girls Bathroom.] You U-J-Benders pop in anywhere. [She closes her cubicle.]
Cut to: Outside Girls Bathroom. U-J-Bender stands up rubbing his head.
U-J-Bender: 'Well, that hurt like hell. [There is a blinding flash of light, followed by the disappearance of U-J-Bender.]
Scene: Planet Express Ship: Cockpit. Leela sits in the driver seat, Fry sits at the co-ordinates controls, and Bender sits at the autopilot drinking out of a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Fry: 'Are we there yet?
Leela: 'Just a few more hours Fry. [A Bending Unit hits the windscreen his whole body being pressed against the glass.] Damn U-J-Benders! [Leela presses a button and the windscreen wipers push U-J-Bender off.]
Cut to: Space. U-J-Bender sees the Planet Express Ship fly off into the distance out of sight.
U-J-Bender: 'Anytime now. [There is a blinding flash of light, followed by the disappearance of U-J-Bender.]
Scene: Trisol Palace: Throne Room. It is deserted.]
Fry: 'Hello? Anybody home? [He reads the package address. It is addressed to the Emperor. He decides to leave it on the throne. He sees a bottle of water beside the throne, there is a blinding flash of light slightly above him, followed by the appearance of a U-J-Bender, who falls on top of him, knocking him to the floor.] Ow! Hey get off. [U-J-Bender stands up.]
U-J-Bender: 'I'd advice you not to drink that bottle of water for it is the Emperor.
Fry: [standing up.] 'OK. [There is a blinding flash of light, followed by the disappearance of U-J-Bender. Fry walks back out.]
Cut to: Trisol Desert. Fry walks long the desert the heat from the huge sun gets to him, and he collapses.
[Time Lapse. Fry's skin is red from sunburn.
Scene: Planet Express Ship: Cockpit. Leela stands up.
Leela: 'Fry's been gone for too long, I'm going looking for him.
Bender: 'OK. [Leela walks off.] And if you die, I can be the new Captain.
Zoidberg: 'And me the new Delivery Boy! [Amy stands up.]
Amy: 'I'm going with Leela.
Cut to: Trisol Desert. Leela and Amy come across Fry collapsed on the ground.
Leela: (shouting) 'Fry! [They run towards him. Leela turns Fry over, then checks his pulse.] He's still alive! [Amy with a small bottle of water pours it into his mouth.] Let's get him back to the ship. [Leela picks him up and carries him.]
Scene: Outside The Planet Express Ship: Medical Room. Zoidberg stands outside with his arms crossed.
Cut to: Medical Room. Leela and Amy rub blue tubes of cream all over Fry's near naked body just his underpants on a Medical bed.
Leela: 'Take some of these Fry. [Leela puts to pills in Fry's mouth, gently getting him to drink from a glass of water.]
Fry: 'Best massage ever, Leela and Amy.
Leela: 'Oh, I'm sure it was.
Amy: 'Who was best at rubbing the after-sun on you?
Fry: 'Leela.
Leela: (affectionately) 'Awwwww.
Amy: (sadly) 'Awwww. [She walks away sadly looking downcast out of the Medical Room. Zoidberg runs in.]
Zoidberg: (angrily) 'I'm the doctor, I should be the one tending to Fry!
Leela: 'Please, you don't even know the difference between a Human male or Human female.
Zoidberg: 'Yeah well... [He rubs his chin.] Hmmm.
Leela: 'Exactly. [Zoidberg walks away sadly looking downcast out of the Medical Room.] (To Fry) Fry, next time we're on a planet like this, pack some water and sun-cream OK?
Fry: 'OK. Can we go see a movie later?
Leela: 'Are you asking me out on a date?
Fry: 'Ummmm.
Leela: 'OK. But not today, you look like a tomato.
The End
Cubert: 'Must you keep writing your creepy and sappy fan fiction?!
Rush: 'Yeah! And shut up!
Cubert: 'It just goes to show what little life you have! And the fact you written my sentence, which I am speaking right now, makes you a loser.
Rush: 'Oh shut up you Internet Troll.
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